Dee’s Inbox

Ghosts
A professor at the University of Kentucky was giving a lecture on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks, ‘How many people here believe in ghosts?’
About 90 students raise their hands.
‘Well, that’s a good start.
Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?’
About 40 students raise their hands.
‘That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously..
Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?’
About 15 students raise their hand.
‘Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?’
Three students raise their hands.
‘That’s fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further…
Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?’
Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses, and says ‘Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.’
The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.
When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, ‘So, Bubba, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost?’
Bubba replied….
‘Shiiiiiiit!! >From way back there I thought you said ‘Goats…’

Photographic evidence of where the term ‘Dickhead’ came from.

A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the
summer, decided to hire herself out as a ‘handy-woman’ and started
canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house, and asked
the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

‘Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,’ he said,
‘How much will you charge me?’

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, ‘How about $50?’

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and
everything she would need were in the garage.

The man’s wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband,
‘Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the
house?’

He responded, ‘That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it?’

The wife replied, ‘You’re right. I guess I’m starting to believe
all those dumb blonde jokes we’ve been getting by e-mail lately.’

After a time, the blonde came to the door to collect her
money. “You’re finished already”, the startled husband asked.

“Yes”, the blonde replied, “and I even had paint left over, so I
gave it two coats.”

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and
handed it to her along with a ten dollar tip.

“And by the way”, ‘the blonde added, “it’s not a Porch, it’s a
Lexus.”

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.
“So, how is everything going?” inquired God.

“It is all so beautiful, God,” she replied.
“The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.

It’s these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They’re a real pain,” Reported Eve.

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc……….she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more “symmetrically balanced”.

“That’s a fair point,” replied God, “But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I! figure d that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.”

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

“Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?”

“Just fantastic,” she replied, “But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.”

God thought for a moment and said, “You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Lets see……….where did I put the useless boob?”

Now doesn’t THAT make more sense than that crap about the rib?