Dee’s Inbox

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day.
The daughter said to her mother, ‘My hands are freezing cold.’
The mother replied, ‘Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up.’
The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.

The next day, the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, ‘My hands are freezing cold.’
The girl replied, ‘Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up.’
He did and warmed his hands.

The following day, the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, ‘My nose is cold.’
The girl replied, ‘Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up’.
He did and warmed his nose.

The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, ‘My penis is frozen solid.’

The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she says
to her mother, ‘Have you ever heard of a penis?’
Slightly concerned the mother said,’ Why, yes…?! Why do you ask?’
The daughter replies:
‘They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don’t they?!

tags: amish humor, jokes for amish, raunchy amish humor, silly email forwards

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my

Husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of
characteristically

Telling me it’s not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a

Suggestion.

‘If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of

Toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds’

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in

Front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

‘How long will this take?’ I asked.

They will grow larger over a period of years,’ my husband replies. I

Stopped. ‘Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between

My breasts every day will make my breasts l arger over the years?’

Without missing a beat he says ‘Worked for your butt, didn’t it?’

He ’s still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk

Again although he will probably continue to take his meals through a

Straw.

Stupid, stupid man

tags: bad email humor, really bad email forwards, toilet paper humor

Elective Surgery

Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.

The first woman said, “I need to be honest with you, I’m getting a boob job.”

The second woman responded, “Oh, that’s nothing. I’m thinking of having my asshole bleached!”

“Whoa,” replied the first woman. “I just can’t picture your husband as a blonde!”

tags: bad humor, elective surgery bleaching, funny email forwards, really bad jokes

tags: comic email forwards, cute funnies, funny comics, raunchy comics, raunchy funnies

You have been chosen to receive the Blessing of the Snow Fairy!

May you be blessed by his good deeds!

You must pass the Snow Fairy to 7 people within 60 seconds to receive your one year blessing….HURRY!

tags: funny chain emails, funny winter photos, snow fairy chain email

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in
liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage
suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to
literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this
a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of ‘cocktails’,
‘highballs’ and just a good old-fashioned ’stiff drink’.
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants
and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040,
there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge
erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

If you don’t send this to five old friends right away there will be
five fewer people laughing in the world.

tags: viagra “hard” drink, new softdrink made from viagra, silly email forward, silly email humor

DEAR MADAM:

THANK YOU FOR YOUR RECENT ORDER
FROM OUR SEX TOYS WEBSITE.

YOU’VE REQUESTED THE LARGE RED
VIBRATOR AS FEATURED ON OUR WALL
DISPLAY.

PLEASE SELECT ANOTHER ITEM.

THAT’S OUR FIRE EXTINGUISHER

tags: funny xmas emails, naughty xmas email forwards, naughty xmas emails, raunchy xmas emails, xmas buyers beware

tags: omg, funny xmas emails photos, i want to sit on santas lap, naughty santa photos, naughty santas, santa humor for the ladies, santas lap, who wants to sit on santas lap, xxxmas

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.

The Indian Chief proclaims, “So, you are the great Lone Ranger.
In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days.
But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests.

What is your first request?”

The Lone Ranger responds, “I’d like to speak to my horse.”

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who
whispers in Silver’s ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on
his back.

As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger’s Tent
and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he’s impressed. “You have
very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days.
What is your second request?”

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought
to him, and he again whispers in the horse’s ear.

As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the
horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief’s surprise,Silver again
returns, this time with a brunette, even more attractive than the blonde.

She enters the Lone Ranger’s tent and spends the night. The following
morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. “You are indeed a man of
many talents, but I still kill you tomorrow.

“What is your last request?”

The Lone Ranger responds,” I’d like to speak to my horse….ALONE.”

The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the
Lone Ranger’s tent.

Once they’re alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks
him square in the eye and says, “Listen very carefully, you dickhead,
for the last time………. . BRING POSSE!!!!

tags: cowboy humor, funny email forwards, funny lone ranger humor, horse humor, horse talk humor, western humor

Quote from the mom:

“This is my kindergartener’s artistic rendering of a pair of scissors. I wonder what his teacher thought. I allowed myself just a small smirk when I saw it. I waited until he was out of the room before I started crying, from laughing so hard.”

Well, of course they’re scissors. If you know someone with small children or you are a teacher…you will love this! I can certainly imagine seeing this one proudly displayed on the mother’s fridge at home…

tags: children’s drawings, funny children’s drawings, funny photos, scissors that looks like something else