Dee’s Inbox

A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the
summer, decided to hire herself out as a ‘handy-woman’ and started
canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house, and asked
the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

‘Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,’ he said,
‘How much will you charge me?’

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, ‘How about $50?’

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and
everything she would need were in the garage.

The man’s wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband,
‘Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the
house?’

He responded, ‘That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it?’

The wife replied, ‘You’re right. I guess I’m starting to believe
all those dumb blonde jokes we’ve been getting by e-mail lately.’

After a time, the blonde came to the door to collect her
money. “You’re finished already”, the startled husband asked.

“Yes”, the blonde replied, “and I even had paint left over, so I
gave it two coats.”

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and
handed it to her along with a ten dollar tip.

“And by the way”, ‘the blonde added, “it’s not a Porch, it’s a
Lexus.”

Elective Surgery

Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.

The first woman said, “I need to be honest with you, I’m getting a boob job.”

The second woman responded, “Oh, that’s nothing. I’m thinking of having my asshole bleached!”

“Whoa,” replied the first woman. “I just can’t picture your husband as a blonde!”

tags: bad humor, elective surgery bleaching, funny email forwards, really bad jokes

January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

My stupid computer keeps saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”

tags: bad blonde jokes, bad email humor, more blonde jokes

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading our culture,
Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to
as ‘HILLBILLIES.
You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore…
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a ‘BABE’ or a ‘CHICK’ - She is a ‘BREASTED AMERICAN’
2. She is not ‘EASY’ - She is ‘HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.’
3. She is not a ‘DUMB BLONDE’ - She is a ‘LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR
OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
4. She has not ‘BEEN AROUND’ - She is a ‘PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED
COMPANION.’
5. She does not ‘NAG’ you - She becomes ‘VERBALLY REPETITIVE.’
6. She is not a ‘TWO-BIT HOOKER’ - She is a ‘LOW COST PROVIDER.’

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a ‘BEER GUT’ - He has developed a ‘LIQUID
GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.’
2. He is not a ‘BAD DANCER’ - He is ‘OVERLY CAUCASIAN.’
3. He does not ‘GET LOST ALL THE TIME’ - He ‘INVESTIGATES
ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.’
4. He is not ‘BALDING’ - He is in ‘FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
5. He does not act like a ‘TOTAL ASS’ - He develops a case of
‘RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.’
6. It’s not his ‘CRACK’ you see hanging out of his pants - It’s
‘REAR CLEAVAGE.’

tags: funny politically incorrect emails, political correctness ridiculousness, politically correct humor

A blonde has a flat on the interstate one day, so she eases over onto the shoulder of the road and gets out of her car. She walks around to the rear of her car, opens the trunk and takes out two cardboard men. She stands the two lifelike cardboard men at the rear of her vehicle, facing oncoming traffic. These lifelike men are in trench coats, exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers.

Not surprisingly, traffic becomes snarled as people slow to stare at the cardboard men. It wasn’t long before a police car arrives and pulls in behind her vehicle. The officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde yelling, “what in the hell is going on here?” The blonde calmly replies, “I had a flat tire, officer.” To which the officer responds, “Well, what in God’s name are these obscene cardboard figures doing here at the side of the road?”

“Helloooooo,” she says, “these are my emergency flashers!!”

tags: blonde emails, blonde jokes, flat tire blonde joke, funny emails