Dee’s Inbox

When you walk out the door in the morning
and see this, in the sky…..

Just go back in the house, pour another cup of coffee, and stay there.

It probably isn’t going to be a good day!

tags: cloud formations, funny weather forecast, interesting cloud formations, what do you see in this clould formation?

You have been chosen to receive the Blessing of the Snow Fairy!

May you be blessed by his good deeds!

You must pass the Snow Fairy to 7 people within 60 seconds to receive your one year blessing….HURRY!

tags: funny chain emails, funny winter photos, snow fairy chain email

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other, except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs , the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents. “When we were to be married,” she said, “my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.”

The little old man was so moved, he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

“Honey,” he said, “that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?”

“Oh,” she said, “that’s the money I made from selling the dolls.”

A Prayer…….

Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods;
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I’ll beat him to death, because I don’t know how to crochet.

tags: anger management, happy marriage, knit to cope with anger, shoe box

A woman was shopping at the local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice

A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
‘You must be single.’

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the
derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at the six items
on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that
could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said: ‘Well, you know what, you’re
absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?’

The drunk replied, ”Cause you’re ugly.’

tags: drunk at a supermarket, funny drunk humor, funny single humor, poor ugly lady in the supermarket

The next time someone asks you a dumb question wouldn’t you like to
respond like this?…..
Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Athena the
wonder dog at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I’m retired, with little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I
didn’t have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again.

Although I probably shouldn’t, because I’d ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an
intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and
IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina
nuggets and
simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is
nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story.)

Horrified , she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an
Irish Setter’s ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was
laughing so hard!

WAL*MART won’t let me shop there anymore.

tags: funny email forwards, stupid people asking stupid questions, the purina diet, walmart humor

REMEMBER WHEN YOUR MOTHER TOLD YOU NEVER TO TAKE CANDY FROM A STRANGER….

..THIS IS WHO SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT!!!!!

tags: candy with stranger, never take candy from this guy, stranger candy, stranger than candy, this is why you shouldn’t take candy from a stranger

You’ve got to see this.

1st look and see the Whale under the water.

Keep your cursor OUT of the picture until you see the Whale.

Then move your mouse cursor onto the picture, but stand back, you might get wet (it’s like it’s 3D). Click on the picture when it loads completely and be sure that your sound is on

CLICK ON: Worlds Most Dangerous Creature

tags: worlds most dangerous creature

Two Kentucky hillbillies walk into a Dairy Queen. While having a couple
of Blizzards, they talk privately about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, eating a corn dog, begins to cough.
After a while, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, “Kin ya swallar?” The
woman shakes her head no.

“Kin ya breathe?”

The woman begins to turn blue; eyes widen and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly strolls over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and
quickly gives her right butt cheek a long lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the corn dog
flies out of her mouth. She begins to breath again.

The Hillbilly ambles smugly back to his table.

His buddy says, “Ya know, I’d Heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’,
but I ain’t never seed nobody do it!”

tags: funny email forwards about hillbillies, redneck humor, the heimlich maneuver, the hind lick maneuver

If you don’t laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma! This is even funnier when you realize it’s real! Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana . He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft. Wayne , Indiana , who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you’ve been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it’s not so bad after all .

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It’s a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature.

It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I’ve used it several times with no complaints.

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It’s like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don’t have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn’t stick to it However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn’t poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.

So, next time you’re having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

Now repeat to yourself, “I l ove my job, I love my job, I love my job.”

Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!

tags: bad day at work, bad day on the job, diving emails, diving humor, funny email forwards, you think you’re having a bad day

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.”

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

tags: craigslist posting, m&m grant money, m&m pumpkins photo, m&m war, blue m&ms are inferior, candy wars, green m&ms make you horney