25th August 2008

Garden of Eden!!!!

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.
“So, how is everything going?” inquired God.

“It is all so beautiful, God,” she replied.
“The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.

It’s these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They’re a real pain,” Reported Eve.

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc……….she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more “symmetrically balanced”.

“That’s a fair point,” replied God, “But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I! figure d that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.”

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

“Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?”

“Just fantastic,” she replied, “But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.”

God thought for a moment and said, “You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Lets see……….where did I put the useless boob?”

Now doesn’t THAT make more sense than that crap about the rib?

posted in For the Ladies, Religious | 0 Comments

22nd October 2007

A NUN & A CABBIE

A cabbie picks up a Nun.

She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies:
“I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.”

She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me.
When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything.
I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”

“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”

She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.”

The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!”

“OK” the nun says. “Pull in to the next alley.”

The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver! starts crying.

“My dear child,” says the nun, “why are you crying?”

“Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”

The nun says, “That’s OK.
My name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party.”

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posted in Religious | 0 Comments

18th October 2007

The Red Sox Prayer

red-sox-logo.gif

Our Father, who art at Fenway
Baseball be thy game,
Thy kingdom come,
World Series won,
On earth, then onto the Cask’n Flagon
Give us this day, a perfect Beckett
And forgive us our losses,
As we forgive those,
Like Bill Buckner.
And lead us not into depression,
but deliver us from this long week of waiting,
For thine is the Power
and the Glory
To beat the Indians
Forever and ever, Amen.

GOOOOO REEEDDDDD SOOOXXXXX!

posted in Religious, Sports | 1 Comment

3rd October 2007

Am I a Fireman Yet??

In Phoenix , Arizona , a 26-year-old mother stared down at her 6 year old son, who was dying of terminal leukemia.

Although her heart was filled with sadness, she also had a strong feeling of determination.
Like any parent, she wanted her son to grow up &
Fulfill all his dreams.
Now that was no longer possible.
The leukemia would see to that. But she still wanted her son’s dream to come true.

She took her son’s hand and asked,
“Billy, did you ever think about what you wanted to be once you grew up?

Did you ever dream and wish what you would do with
Your life?”

Mommy, “I always wanted to be a fireman when I grew up.”

Mom smiled back and said, “Let’s see if we can make your wish come true.” Later that day she went to her local fire Department in Phoenix , Arizona , where she met Fireman Bob, who had a heart as big
As Phoenix .

She explained her son’s final wish and
Asked if it might be possible to give her
6 year

Old son a ride around the block on a fire engine.

Fireman Bob said, “Look, we can do better than
That. If you’ll have your son ready at seven o’clock
Wednesday morning, we’ll make him an honorary
Fireman for the whole day.

He can come down to the fire station, eat with us,
Go out on all the fire calls, the whole nine yards!

And if you’ll give us his sizes, we’ll get a real fire uniform

For him, with a real fire hat - not a toy —
One-with the emblem of the Phoenix Fire Department
On it, a yellow slicker like we wear and rubber boots.

They’re all manufactured right here in Phoenix , so
We can get them fast.”

Three days later Fireman Bob picked up Billy,
Dressed him in his uniform and escorted him from
His hospital bed to the waiting Hook and ladder truck.

Billy got to sit on the back of the truck and help
Steer it back to the fire station.

He was in heaven.

There were three fire calls in Phoenix that day
And Billy got to go out on all three calls
He rode in the different fire engines, the
Paramedic’s’ van, and even the fire chief’s car.
He was also videotaped for the local news program.

Having his dream come true,
With all the Love and attention that was lavished
Upon him, so deeply touched Billy,
That he lived three months longer than any doctor
Thought possible.

One night all of his vital signs began to drop

Dramatically and the head nurse, who believed

In the hospice concept - that no one
Should die alon e, began to call the family
Members to the hospital.
Then she remembered the day Billy had spent as a
Fireman, so she called the Fire Chief and asked if it would

Be possible to send a fireman in uniform to the hospital

To be with Billy as he made his transition.
The chief replied, “We can do better than that.
We’ll be there in five minutes.
Will you please do me a favor?
When you hear the sirens screaming and see the

Lights flashing, will you announce over the PA system,

That there is not a fire?
It’s the department coming to see one of its finest
Members one more time.

And will you open the window to his room?

About five minutes later a hook and ladder truck
Arrived at the hospital and extended its ladder up to
Billy’s third floor open window——–
16 fire-fighters climbed up the ladder into Billy’s room.
With his mother’s permission, they hugged him and held him
And told him how much they LOVED him.

With his dying breath,
Billy looked up at the fire chief and said,
“Chief, am I really a fireman now?”

“Billy, you are, and the Head Chief,
Jesus, is holding your hand,” the chief said

With those words, Billy smiled and said,
“I know, He’s been holding my hand all day, and
The angels have been singing..”

He closed his eyes one last time.

My instructions were to send this to at least four
People that I wanted God to bless and I picked you.

Please pass this to at least four people you want To be blessed. This story is powerful and there is nothing Attached,
PLEASE do not break this pattern; Uplifting stories are one of the best gifts we receive.

There is no cost, but a lot of rewards, let’s continue to uplift one another

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posted in Chain Emails, Inspirational, Religious | 0 Comments

20th September 2007

The Power of Prayer

After starting a new diet I altered my drive to work to avoid passing my favorite bakery. I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and as I approached, there in the window were a host of goodies.

I felt this was no accident, so I prayed … “Lord, it’s up to you, if you want me to have any of those delicious goodies, create a parking place for me directly in front of the bakery.”

And sure enough, on the eighth time around the block, there it was!

God is so Good!

posted in Dieting, Religious | 0 Comments

16th September 2007

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven

At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, “Sisters, you all Led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go Back to earth and be anyone you wish to be.
The first nun says, “I want to be Sophia Loren;” And * poof* she’s gone.
The second says, “I want to be Madonna and *poof* she’s gone.
The third says, “I want to be Sara Pipalini..”

St. Peter looks perplexed. “Who?” he ask
“Sara Pipalini;” replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says, “I’m sorry, but that name just doesn’t Ring a ! bell.”
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.
St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says, “No sister, the paper says it was the ‘ Sahara Pipeline’ that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months.”

If you laugh, you are going straight to hell!

posted in A Little Raunchy, Ethnic, For the Ladies, Religious | 0 Comments

9th September 2007

Subject: Saint Theresa

I’m picking 12 people (who have touched my life) and whom I think would want to
participate. I hope I chose the right twelve. Please send this back
to me (You’ll see why).

In case anyone is not aware, Saint Theresa is known as the Saint of the Little
Ways. Meaning she believed in doing the little things in life well and with
great love. She is also the patron Saint of flower growers and florists. She is
represented by roses.

May everyone who receives this message be blessed. Theresa’s Prayer cannot be
deleted. REMEMBER to make a wish before you read the prayer. That’s all you have
to do. There is nothing attached. Just send this to twelve people and let me
know what happens on the fourth day. Sorry
you have to forward the message, but
try not to break this, please. Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive.
Did you make a wish yet? If you don’t make a wish, it won’t come true.

This is your last chance to make a wish.

St. Theresa’s Prayer:

May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where
you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born
of faith. May you us
e those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love
that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to
sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and everyone of us.

Now, send this to 12 people within the next 5 minutes.
And remember to send this back. I count as 1…you’ll see why. Suggestion: copy
and paste rather than forward

posted in Chain Emails, Inspirational, Religious | 0 Comments

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