Photographic evidence of where the term ‘Dickhead’ came from.

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, ‘I’m sorry, but you scared the
daylights out of me.’

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn’t realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, ‘No, no, I’m sorry, it’s entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab……………….
I’ve been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.’

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my

Husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of
characteristically

Telling me it’s not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a

Suggestion.

‘If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of

Toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds’

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in

Front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

‘How long will this take?’ I asked.

They will grow larger over a period of years,’ my husband replies. I

Stopped. ‘Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between

My breasts every day will make my breasts l arger over the years?’

Without missing a beat he says ‘Worked for your butt, didn’t it?’

He ’s still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk

Again although he will probably continue to take his meals through a

Straw.

Stupid, stupid man

tags: bad email humor, really bad email forwards, toilet paper humor

Since we all can’t F*ck Matt Damon on Valentine’s Day I suggest loving the one your with!!!

tags: crazy songs, duets, matt damon duet, raunchy jimmy kimmel skit, sarah silverman scores with this duet

WHAT’S THIS?

It’s a “Hill-Billy”

tags: funny political photos, hilary clinton humor, hilbillies, hill-billy, hillary clinton pictures

Elective Surgery

Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.

The first woman said, “I need to be honest with you, I’m getting a boob job.”

The second woman responded, “Oh, that’s nothing. I’m thinking of having my asshole bleached!”

“Whoa,” replied the first woman. “I just can’t picture your husband as a blonde!”

tags: bad humor, elective surgery bleaching, funny email forwards, really bad jokes

DO NOT SWALLOW YOUR
BUBBLE-GUM

tags: charlie brown misery, funny adult swim cartoon, funny adult swim holiday peanuts gang skit, peanuts gang humor, sally kills snoopy, sickness, snoopy gets it

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.

The Indian Chief proclaims, “So, you are the great Lone Ranger.
In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days.
But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests.

What is your first request?”

The Lone Ranger responds, “I’d like to speak to my horse.”

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who
whispers in Silver’s ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on
his back.

As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger’s Tent
and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he’s impressed. “You have
very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days.
What is your second request?”

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought
to him, and he again whispers in the horse’s ear.

As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the
horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief’s surprise,Silver again
returns, this time with a brunette, even more attractive than the blonde.

She enters the Lone Ranger’s tent and spends the night. The following
morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. “You are indeed a man of
many talents, but I still kill you tomorrow.

“What is your last request?”

The Lone Ranger responds,” I’d like to speak to my horse….ALONE.”

The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the
Lone Ranger’s tent.

Once they’re alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks
him square in the eye and says, “Listen very carefully, you dickhead,
for the last time………. . BRING POSSE!!!!

tags: cowboy humor, funny email forwards, funny lone ranger humor, horse humor, horse talk humor, western humor

tags: bad tattoos, explain this to your girlfriend, funny photos, poor kitty tattoo